


Steady Now, Love

by florelflowers



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn, They get a happy ending, but don't worry, this is honestly just a story about sassy boys falling in love, with a bit of Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 03:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12424125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florelflowers/pseuds/florelflowers
Summary: Luke is a vicious gang leader; his only desire is taking down a rival gang, and nothing will get in his way. Ohm is the guy who happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It somehow works.OR, between having their lives put in danger, and learning about each other, they fall in love.





	Steady Now, Love

 

The first time they meet is surreal, a dreamlike filtration between the harsh reality taking place in front of them, and the alluring pull as eyes meet, as if two ghosts of who they used to be, in another life, perhaps, are finally meeting for the first time in lifetimes. 

He’s doing an unspeakable act, reclaiming the fear from a man who thought he had lost it when it came to him, grinning as his fist connects with a bloodied face, enjoying the sound of a crunch as he slams him back into the ground, and he doesn’t realize there’s a witness until a soft gasp cuts through grunts and the murmured pleas to stop.

He freezes, body still hunched over an indescribable man, breath coming out in short bursts from the exertion, but he stands, preparing for another fight. What he gets instead is a sight he will forever remember, a memory he will hold onto because it’s important, their beginning.

The man that stands there is breathtaking in this frightened way, and Luke realizes with a shocking start, that he’s ashamed of the predicament he’s in.

“Wh-” The man breathes, eyes flitting between him and the body that lays on the cold floor of the alleyway, “What are you  _ doing?” _

His hands shake where they dangle by his sides, and though Luke is still rooted where he stands, trying to comprehend the rash emotion that makes him want to appear wholesome to this stranger, he can’t let this man leave here knowing what he just did.

He takes one step forward, grinning slyly when the other walks back, “Just taking care of some business, is that okay?”

The stranger holds his arm up when Luke starts to get too close, and the calming notion that he instils fear in those near has him coming alive in the only way he’s ever known.

“Don’t be scared,” He coos, continuing forward until he has the other cornered, nowhere to go except into Luke, who pushes him against the wall, “swear I won’t hurt you.”

It’s a lie he’ll enjoy breaking.

The grin on his face expands when the man looks at him with fear swimming in those irises, and now that Luke is closer, he notices that his eyes are a bright hazel, the tiniest of green shines in the center, and they’re captivating, almost, “Don’t bullshit me. You seem like a man who enjoys hearing the truth, and so do I. You gonna punch my face in like that guy, huh? Tell me!”

He’s acting rash; the clutches of fear make the adrenaline coursing through him skyrocket until he feels fearless, and able to stare down a man that screams danger. His body shakes though, almost violently, because he knows, just from the few seconds he got to see, that Luke would have no problem with going for a round two on him, and so he takes a step back, not liking the idea of being predictable; of someone thinking they could possibly know his next move.

“I won’t hurt you, princess,” He smirks, thriving off the smallest twitch of his lips, the almost invisible frown, “well,” he continues on, taking in the shudder as the man continues staring at him with incredulous fear, “not today, at least.” 

He gets one last good look at the stranger, of the tense and coiled body, ready to flee at any given moment, but, in the limelight of the darkened alleyway, Luke can’t deny the attractiveness, and so he holds onto that image, taking it with him as he walks away, already dialing a number to come dispose of the body.

He gets back to the base in record time, and the guys are already there, waiting.

“Well?” Jon asks, entirely relaxed as he leans back in his chair, feet propped on the table, “You get some information out of the guy?”

“No,” He ignores the raised eyebrows, and takes a seat, huffing as he says, “I killed him.”

The groans that immediately follow almost make him smile, instead he crosses his arms and waits for them to finish.

“What the fuck, Luke? That was one of their top guys, do you not get that? He could’ve told us important shit!” Tyler’s the more outspoken one, as always, and though if anyone else spoke to him like that they’d be dead in seconds, he’s known the guy long enough, all of them really, that he lets it slide, instead grows fonder towards the only people he cares for.

“Someone researched wrong, he wasn’t anyone special, only recruited last week. He didn’t know anything.”

“ _ I  _ didn’t research anything wrong, they’re just getting smarter about their information, although now that I know they’re masking new members as elite ones, I’ll know how to counteract it.”

“Good, because the next time I go out to interrogate some guy, it better not be a waste of time, like today.”

Craig nods, understanding the impatience Luke carries with him, but before he can get up to investigate further into their rivalries, Luke raises a hand, stopping him, “Before you find our next person, I need you to search for someone else, outside of the gang.”

“Luke...don’t tell me there was a witness.” Evan sighs, leveling him with a concerned look, the more soft one out of them all.

“I’ll take care of it.” They seem to take it in stride, believing him, but he doesn’t miss Jon’s stare; the calculating gaze, as he gets up with Craig, to describe just who he’ll be looking for.

It’s only a couple days later that Craig finally comes to him, file in hand, and proud grin on his face.

“Dude was easy to track down. Name’s Ryan, doesn’t get out much, and works down at that diner with the good ass shakes. Speaking of which, I think our next meeting should be there, it’s been too long and I really miss those fries.”

“Craig,” He sighs, hiding a smile as the other pushes up at his glasses, rolling his eyes.

“Okay, I get it, I’m going. Just think about it!” And then he’s left alone again, with the stranger’s information. He’s not entirely sure why he’s doing this; the excuse of him being a witness makes sense, especially in his position, as its his job to take care of his gang. If someone were to watch any of them commit the acts they do, they would be done for, and so it’s important for him to track down this guy, let him know he’s not allowed to tell anyone, and yet he can’t deny that it goes beyond that.

He doesn’t think about that fact too much, can’t afford to, so he reads through the file, smiling against his will at the mention of him owning a dog, before closing it, with the decision of paying him a surprise visit on his mind.

**

The diner hasn’t changed much, over the years they missed out on going back. A new paint theme has replaced the old and chipped one, the sign is brand new as it flickers in broad daylight, and inside, they’ve redone the old 50’s theme into a modern one. 

It’s different, but the old time feel to it remains the same, and he sees familiar faces of those who continue to work there even after years of it being the same routine.

Ryan is easy to spot, the fresh face that stands out; an eager grin lights him up as he takes an older couple’s order. Luke takes a seat in one of the far off booths, cringing at the squeakiness as he sits, and he knows now that the seats are the one thing that’s really remained the same since his last time being down here.

He can’t help but assess the guy, and his friendliness, of the seemingly kind nature about him, and with a sort of regrettable realization, he hates that this man is now in one way or another, wrapped up in his troubles.

It’s a few minutes later that Ryan finally starts walking over towards him, smile already in place, that falls ever so slowly when his eyes land on just who’s sitting there. He freezes mid way, tensing up, and Luke ignores the way he acts like a small animal caught off guard, trying to figure out how to escape from their overpowering predator.

He raises his hands, and smiles, “Not here to hurt you, just want a meal.”

Ryan looks unsure as he takes steps forward, nervously eyeing him before stopping a good distance away.

“What do you want?” He murmurs, avoiding eye contact, but Luke brushes it off, along with the guilty sort of feeling that attaches to him and does its best to weigh him down.

“Think I’ll take a burger, feeling a bit hungry. Oh, and can I get a chocolate shake to go? Thanks.”

The song that plays in the background is an overly loud pop one, which does its job of masking the silence between them as they stare at each other, before finally Ryan gives the tiniest of nods, and walks away without a word.

There’s the sound of a chime, and he looks down at his phone that lights up, flashing a brief image of a text from Jon,  _ where are you?  _ He has to ignore it, because suddenly someone is sliding into the booth across from his, and he laughs, looking up to see Ryan there, leaning forward with a striking determined look on his face. 

“How did you know where I work? Are you stalking me?”

He leans his head on his hand, raising his eyebrows at the frown, “So I take it you didn’t put my order in?”

“I know who you are,” Ryan continues on, quickly surveying the room around them as he lowers his voice, and adds, “I know what you  _ do.” _

“Oh?” He smiles, enjoying the situation far more than he should, “You been doing your homework, huh? And I’m the one accused of stalking?”

“You’re not answering my questions.” Ryan’s starting to look frustrated, and though he really wants to continue on with this game, he sighs, and leans back in his seat.

“What questions? The only ones you asked are irrelevant, considering you already know my line of work, meaning you should also know just how easy it is for me to get information about anyone and everything.”

“But why? I-I have nothing to do with this  _ business.  _ I’m not some killer, a drug lord, or an underground criminal for fuck’s sakes. I work at a diner part time, what could you possibly gain from someone like me?”

“You’re a liability. Cops would kill to know what I did, that night, to get answers out of you that lead straight to me and my men.”

“I wouldn’t tell anyone, I won’t.” He looks earnest, as he stares at Luke, but earnesty does nothing in a situation like this.

“I don’t know that. I have no idea on who you are as a person, only facts that anyone else could easily know if they just paid attention.”

As they sit there, Luke takes in everything he can about this man, the pale skin and almost invisible freckles, of the beard that looks as if it was trimmed at one point, but now has grown out a bit, and of the small creases between his brows, as if he’s constantly frowning.

There’s nothing said between them for a few minutes, both trying to decide on their next move, but Luke spends the time observing everyone else that still sits around them; the conversations that belong to worry free people has always intrigued him.

“I’m not scared of you.”

He looks back over at Ryan, seeing his lips set in a straight line, and though he appears sturdy in his statement, Luke can make out the constant blinking, and he smiles, because everyone is afraid of him, whether by his intention or not. He’s known in the streets for everything he’s done, and it’s near impossible, to be anything other than frightful when near him, when his name is spoken of, but he’s worked hard for that instillment of fear, it’s something he’s proud of; although, sitting across from a man who appears to be the most wholesome person he’s met, he’s left with an ashamed embarrassment, for everything he’s ever done, in the presence of someone truly pure.

“I’m not asking you to be.” Is what he says after some time has passed, because he’s not, never was, really.

Ryan continues to stare at him, trying to see through him, and it sets Luke on edge in a way he hates, so he’s the first to look away.

“What now? You gonna take me out back and make sure I never tell anyone about what I saw?”

He should, but he can’t even imagine it without getting nauseous at just the thought.

“No, I’ll be keeping an eye on you, not only because I have no clue as to who you are, if you’re easy to get information out of or not, but also because people equally as dangerous as me may try and track you down.”

“What?” He asks incredulously, eyes comically wide, “But I was the only person who saw what you did, how would anyone else know that I was there?” 

He waves a hand around, showcasing just where they’re at, “Hate to break it to you, but I’ve got enemies, that do their best in constantly following me. I’m here, sitting with you, which automatically makes you a target for them.”

Ryan looks around them, body becoming tense, before he looks back over at Luke, eyes narrowed and tone unbelieving.

“You did this on purpose didn’t you? You  _ knew  _ people would see me here with you, which would make me have no choice but to listen to you, if I want to live, right? Unbelievable, and here I was, actually thinking you’re somewhat of a decent human being.”

It hurts in ways it shouldn’t, but he can’t afford to let this uncontrollable emotion towards this man get the best of him, and so he huffs, standing, “That was your first mistake. I’m not like you, or any of these people. I’m a criminal, and you would do best to remember that.”

“Yeah, well, believe me, I will.”

He rolls his eyes, starting to get frustrated with having his patience run thin, “Alright then, princess, pack your shit and let's get going. I’m taking you home.”

“You’re what? Did you forget that I’m at work? I can’t just bail, I need the money, although I’m sure someone of your stature has no idea what’s it like to actually work for money, instead of just taking it.”

“Listen,” He hisses, entirely fed up, “you don’t know shit about me or what I do, only what you’ve heard. I’d be more than willing to show you first hand, though, if you can’t shut up and start moving your ass.”

He hates himself for actually feeling bad when Ryan looks down, going silent, “And anyways, it’s fine, I know the owner, you don’t have to worry about money.”

They finally start walking, and he can’t help but give a tiny smile when he hears a muttered, “Figures, you people seem to always know everyone.”

“Alliances are a godsend, sweetheart.”

“Do not call me sweetheart.”

He looks over his shoulder, seeing Ryan frowning at the ground, “Demanding, aren’t we?”

A laugh passes between his lips at the sound of an annoyed huff, but he doesn’t miss the slight twitch of Ryan’s lips, holding back a smile himself.

“Also, because we’re going to be seeing a lot of each other now, I guess you should know my name. So, I’m Luke.”

There’s a soft snort, followed by, “I’d tell you mine is Ryan, but I’m pretty sure you already knew that.”

“At least you’re finally catching on.”

A few minutes of nothing said between the two pass, before there’s a very quiet, and soft, “Asshole.”

He grins, not saying anything.

**

“Luke, where the fuck are you? Jon’s been going crazy here, and to be honest, I think Tyler’s a few seconds away from knocking him out.” 

“Listen, I had some things to take care of, but I need you to meet me at the address I texted you, and  _ don’t  _ tell the other’s, understood?”

Craig sighs, as he hates holding secrets, but he’s the only one Luke would trust leaving alone with Ryan.

“Alright, yeah, I’ll be there soon.”

He lets out a long sigh when they hang up, knowing this whole thing was going to get messy, only looking up when he hears a door open, and sees Ryan standing there, watching him.

When they got to Ryan’s apartment, and he pointedly ignored the cute dog, he made sure to do a thorough inspection of the place, making sure no one had set up cameras or weapons when they were busy at the diner.

They didn’t say anything to each other as Luke walked around, instead he left Ryan to cuddle with his dog, but he did have to step outside when his phone had rang for the 20th time that day, from the concerned guys. 

Now, Ryan leans against the door frame, and looks past him, at the city buildings behind them, “I heard you, on the phone. Who’s coming?”

“A friend. He’ll help me with watching you.”

Ryan shakes his head, huffing a laugh, “I don’t need anyone to watch me. I can fend for myself, it’s what I do.”

He doesn’t question further, on the implications that Ryan has been alone for a while, has been in charge of taking care of himself.

“Believe me,” He says instead, pushing past him and back into the small space that feels like a home, something a part of him envies, “you’re gonna need someone with experience, gun experience, at least.”

“Wait, what? Please don’t kill anyone here, my neighbors are old and the sweetest people, they don’t deserve to witness these kinds of things.”

He plops down on the worn couch, laughing when the dog, Buddy, immediately jumps on him, “Don’t worry, we’re very proficient in cleaning up bodies.”

Ryan stands in front of him, glaring, although it’s not as heated as it was earlier, “You’re a jerk, you know that?”

He shrugs, “Didn’t claim to be kind.”

They sit there for a while, far from each other, and basked in silence. Luke takes this time to look around the place, noticing a lack of pictures, of family and friends. The only thing that hangs on the walls are cheap quotes from movies, and a whiteboard, hanging on the fridge, with the words,  _ This is only temporary  _ written in bold. He raises his eyebrows, tempted to ask for the story behind it, but decides not to, as he knows all about privacy and just how valuable it is.

Finally, after about another thirty minutes, there’s a soft knock on the door. He sees Ryan tense up slightly from the corner of his eye, and pull Buddy closer to him. It’s a bit sad, but Luke ignores it, in favor of getting close to the door and calling out, “Who is it?” 

There isn’t even time to try and be cautious, as he goes for his gun tucked away, when there’s a loud groan, followed by, “Luke, c’mon, open up. It’s freezing out here.”

Craig stands there, arms tucked under him, and he grins when Luke finally opens the door.

“It’s probably freezing because you’re wearing the thinnest shirt I’ve ever seen.”

Craig huffs, pushing past him, immediately spotting Ryan.

“Oh, you’re the guy Luke…”He trails off, flashing Luke an apologetic grin, that only makes him roll his eyes.

“He knows, Craig.”

He watches as Craig’s smile slowly falls, before he’s turning to look at Ryan again, who gives a small wave.

“Holy shit, Luke, he  _ knows?  _ Is that why you said not to tell the guys? Do you know just how much danger you’ve put him in?”

“I’m not new at any of this, okay, I know what I’ve done, which is why  _ you’re  _ here. Keep him company, watch for anyone suspicious, and I’ll be back later.”

“Wait,” Ryan cuts in, standing, and taking a small step towards Luke that he seems to think better of, as he moves back again, “you’re leaving? I have no idea who this guy is and you’re leaving me alone with him?”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair and not caring about how he looks anymore, “Ryan, this is Craig. Craig, this is Ryan. There, now you two know each other.”

He turns, sagging his head at the soft cry Ryan does, before turning back around, and leveling Ryan with what is hopefully a comforting look.

“Craig is a good friend of mine, and someone who I trust with my life. You don’t have to worry around him, he’s a big teddy bear, I swear.” 

“I really am. Speaking of which, can I please pet your dog?” They watch as he leans down, making kissing sounds and laughing happily. He gives a pointed look over to Ryan, mouthing  _ see? _

Ryan still looks unsure, as he continues frowning at Luke, but after a few more seconds gives a hesitant nod, and that’s all the confirmation Luke needs.

**

As soon as he steps into their compound, the guys are there, demanding answers. 

“Where have you been? You ignored every one of our phone calls, and left us here thinking one of them got you.” Jon’s pissed, that much is clear, but he sighs, slumping into a seat.

“Look-”

“Also,” Tyler cuts in, seemingly just as annoyed as Jon, “Craig just up and left too, what the hell is wrong with you two? Are you forgetting that there is a growing number of people trying to kill us? Am I the only smart one around here?”

“Luke,” Evan finally says, a concerned frown on his face, “You’d tell us, if something was going on, right?”

“Of course.” He says quickly, faking hurt, at the mention of withholding something from them.

“You guys are always the first to know about everything.” When they say nothing in return, only give small nods, he lets out a breath of air, before sitting up straight.

“Now, Craig texted me earlier that he found out where a member will be tonight, a very important member that’ll take more than just me going down there. We start with him, got it?”

Tyler grins, pushing his chair back to stand, as he say, “Finally some action. I was starting to get bored.”

He forces a smile, trying to not let his mind fill up with Ryan or how he’s doing with Craig, and though he meant what he said about Craig, still, some part of him couldn’t deny that he was worried, with leaving Ryan alone. This need to protect him was something that took him off guard, but he couldn’t afford to think about that now, not when he has to be prepared and focused, walking into a dangerous situation.

**

It’s nearing midnight by the time he finally makes it back to Ryan’s, exhausted, and ready to call it a night. The other’s already separated, each going to their own homes, thinking Luke was doing the same, based off the lie he told. 

He knocks on the worn looking door, anxious to see how the two have been, as he bounces on the balls of his feet. There’s loud chatter from the other side, that only puts him further on edge, until finally Craig is standing there, goofy grin on his face that forms into a grimace at the sight of Luke.

“Jesus, you look like shit.”

“Thanks.” He mutters, pushing past him and immediately spotting Ryan who sits on the floor, relaxed expression turning horrified when he sees him.

“Oh my God, are you okay? There’s blood all over you!” At the concerned eyes, he can’t help but fling a hand to his chest, in mock surprise.

“Are you...worried about me?” He laughs at Ryan’s scowl, and watches as the other crosses his arms, turning to look away.

“Fuck off, was just trying to be a decent human being.”

“Aw, c’mon, I was just having a little bit of fun.”

Ryan eyes him, before giving in, and lowers his arms, although still not looking entirely happy, as he says, “You still haven’t answered. Are you okay?”

It’s crazy, how his heart picks up at the question, of Ryan wanting to know how he is. He shakes his head, shrugging it off.

“I’m fine. The blood isn’t mine.”

This time Ryan doesn’t hide his worry, as he sits up, “You killed someone?  _ Again?” _

“Oh, yeah, how did the mission go?” Craig interrupts, and he’s a little embarrassed that he forgot he was there.

Craig must know, because he waves him off, as he takes a seat again, “Tyler texted me earlier about the plan, between the curse words and him threatening to kick my ass for ditching you guys, of course.”

“Tiring.” He sighs, plopping a seat next to Ryan, who scoots the tiniest away. He flashes him a smile, enjoying the narrowed eyes he gets back in return, “There were a lot of them, more than we accounted for. It was difficult getting the main guy, and once we finally did, he put up a hell of a fight. Took about three hours just for him to start spilling information, you know, once the torture became too much.”

“You’re an animal.” Ryan says, watching him in uneasiness.

He shrugs, not at all bothered by the statement, “Maybe. I do what I have to, to survive.”

"That’s a bullshit excuse and you know it. I’m surviving just fine, without having to kill and torture people.”

“Because you’re so much better than me, right? You sit there, on your throne, morally shaming me because I’m not working a dead end job, trying to pay for bills I still can’t afford. Get real, sweetheart, we come from two different worlds, and you’re no better than someone like me, no matter what you tell yourself.”

They sit there, glaring at each other and unmoving, until Craig gives a soft cough, and slowly stands.

“Anyways, I think I’ll be going now. Uh, nice meeting you Ryan, and Luke, tell me more about tonight, tomorrow okay?” 

He’s the first to look away, as he turns to Craig, and smiles tiredly, “Sure thing, and thanks, again, for not telling the guys, and coming down here.”

Craig waves him off, heading towards the door, “All this means is that you owe me one of those shakes, got it?”

“Your wish is my command.” He laughs, watching him leave, and trying not to focus on how Ryan gets up, without a word and begins walking away, until he stops, and turns to look at him.

“Are you staying the night here?” He nods wordlessly, ignoring the muttered, “Figures.” before Ryan keeps walking toward his room, where he hears the door close. 

He throws his head back on the couch, sighing loudly, and wondering how he even got into this situation. 

After a while, of laying on the surprisingly soft couch, there’s the sound of a door creaking open, followed by soft footsteps, that stop just before where he lays, and he waits as he hears shuffling. 

“Luke, are you awake?” He contemplates on not answering, but instead sighs and sits up.

“What?” It’s dark, but he can still make out Ryan’s silhouette, as he’s hunched in on himself.

“I’m not sure if I should even be apologizing, but I am, because I hate uncomfortable silences, and if we’re gonna be spending time together, then I figured I might as well tell you I’m sorry. So, yeah, I’m sorry, about earlier.”

Ryan seems nervous, as he bounces from leg to leg, waiting for him to answer, and he admits he drags on the silence just for the sake of it, before finally laying back down, and saying, “It’s fine. You’re just lucky I happen to hate uncomfortable silences, too.”

He smiles, unwillingly, at the breathy laugh he gets in return. At the sound of Ryan walking away he thinks that’s the end of it, until there’s a weight suddenly on him, and he looks down, seeing a blanket.

“It gets cold at night, so, figured you’d want that.” He hides another smile as he gets comfortable under it, muttering, “Thanks.”

He closes his eyes after that, with the soft words of, “You’re welcome” ringing through his ears.

**

The next morning is an unforgettable one, with how he wakes up warm, from both the thick cover, and the sun that streams through open blinds. 

Another factor is the smell of food, and he sits up groggily, hearing soft music playing, accompanied with even quieter singing.

The apartment isn’t very big, and so he finds the source of everything quick. Ryan’s standing in the kitchen, in sweatpants that are probably a little too tight, and shirt too big, but he’s still gorgeous in this unattainable way, and Luke leans against the wall, watching as the other murmurs lyrics to an old time song under his breath, and flips what appears to be eggs. 

The song sounds like it’s going to end, and so Luke coughs, amused at the little cry Ryan makes, grinning when the other quickly turns to stare at him. 

“How long have you been there?” He asks, eyes wide. 

“You sing?” He counters, to which Ryan rolls his eyes, and goes back to making breakfast. 

“You mean there’s actually something you don’t already know about me? I’d fire whoever you hire to research people.”

It’s a little too early to get irritated, and so he shrugs it off, “What’s more interesting is how you still manage to be snarky this early in the morning.” 

Ryan looks like he wants to retort to that, but stops himself before he can, and stands there for a bit, eventually letting out a sigh. 

“I keep telling myself to cut it out, but...it’s just- I’m sorry, I haven’t been around people in a while and sometimes I forget how to talk to them.” 

“You work at the diner, though? Isn’t it a requirement to, you know, have people skills?” 

He hops on the counter, ignoring the distasteful eye look Ryan flashes him, as he waits for an answer. 

“I mean, yes, but it’s easier, to pretend to be someone you’re not.” At the questioning stare Luke gives him, Ryan sighs, and leans back against the opposite counter, where he tries to form proper words. 

“Like, I go there, put on the apron, and suddenly it’s a whole different me, someone who smiles and nods without a second thought, who holds conversations with strangers; I come home, though, and whoever I was there, leaves, and it’s just me, someone who happens to be disstrustful of others, and who can’t speak properly to anyone without first tearing them down. Does that make sense?” 

He thinks back to his first thoughts about him, at the diner when he truly believed Ryan was someone kind, pure, based solely on how he interacted with those he took orders from, but now, when it’s only the two of them, he realizes Ryan is someone who’s most likely been hurt, and he’s the entire opposite of what Luke previously thought. He’s not sure what to make of it, because his main focus on watching Ryan was due to the fact that he thought Ryan was someone so wholesome that he didn’t deserve to be in danger, like Luke always is. 

It’s a realization that should’ve been obvious, because Luke knows all too well what’s it like, to fake being a person you wish you were. 

Ryan is still watching him, waiting for him to leave, most likely, as that’s what he’s come to know, and so Luke smiles, gives a shrug and goes, “I think this just means you’re no longer allowed to call me out on being an asshole. Think about those old ladies, yesterday, fooling them into thinking you were an angel for a boy, perfect for their granddaughters.” 

He makes a joke, because the last thing Ryan needs is a lecture, especially from someone like him. It seems to work, because Ryan relaxes the tiniest bit, but Luke knows that’s finally his way of saying he’s starting to trust him, somehow, and he’d be lying if he said that wouldn’t be the thought that lingers in his mind for the rest of the day.

Ryan laughs, in a carefree way that Luke has yet to hear, and it’s a beautiful sound, “Yeah, well, they can suck it. The tip they left me wouldn’t even be enough for goddamn fries at McDonalds, can you believe that? Cheap bitches.” 

An abrupt laugh escapes him, from both the comment and just how  _ different  _ Ryan is, compared to his first impression. Although he expected someone much kinder, he has to admit, that snarky and blunt Ryan is something truly special. 

Ryan smiles at him in a way he’s never seen, and his brain short circuits momentarily, “Ryan?” he asks, after they continue to stare at each other, with small smiles on their faces. 

“Yeah?” 

He grins, eyes quickly flashing behind him, “The eggs are burning.” 

“Shit! Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Fuck you, stop laughing, I was really looking forward to those!” 

**

It becomes a sort of routine; he stays the night, gets woken up by Ryan’s food and singing, and maybe they argue for a bit, both denying the emotions that swim just underneath the surface. 

Craig is still the only one who knows, because Luke can’t bring himself to tell the others. They’re not as easy as Craig, when it comes to witnesses, or anyone, really. He knows they would disagree about his protection over Ryan, or argue that he’s not one of them, and therefore deserves no kind treatment. 

He’s waiting until the final push, against the enemy gang. They’ve picked off members in little groups, trying to bring down the numbers, while still researching just where their base is at, as those who they try to interrogate, only give miniscule information, like names that do nothing for them. 

Once they finally find out where they’re located, and they manage to kill off their main guy, then, Luke swears, he’ll come clean about Ryan to the others, but until then he stays a secret. 

A secret, that, the world apparently, decides is no longer worth keeping. 

Everything comes crashing down during an uneventful Thursday night. It’s one of those rare times where he doesn’t have to be somewhere, and so he’s been at Ryan’s all day, both snacking on junk food and binge watching movies. At around dinner time, they invite Craig over, (he doesn’t let the thought of them inviting someone over seem as if they live together, or mean anything to each other, because they don’t, and most likely never will) and after about thirty minutes of all of them eating and Craig telling embarrassing stories about him, there’s a knock at the door, that Ryan goes to answer, because Craig and him are in a heated discussion about whether or not Anime could be considered a cartoon, when he hears the confused call from Ryan.

“Who the hell are you?” 

He’s the first one up, gun already grabbed and poised as he turns the corner, but stops short when he sees who’s there. 

Tyler is the first person he sees, looking beyond pissed. Jon stands behind, arms crossed and jaw tense, while Evan is next to him, although barely visible, with a sorrowful grimace on his face. 

“What are you guys doing here?” He breathes, speechless and panicking. 

“Luke, do you know them? They were asking for you, rather rudely actually, and I wasn’t sure if they were the bad guys so I kept saying you weren’t here.” 

“Bad guys?” Tyler asks, pushing past Ryan, to sneers over at him, “You haven’t changed one bit, have you? See a pretty face and suddenly our entire lives are told like it’s some goddamn slumber party.” 

“Watch it, Tyler. You don’t know shit.” 

“I don’t have to listen to you, not anymore.” Tyler walks up to him, leveling him with a heated stare, one he’s only ever witnessed directed at others. It’s heartbreaking, to see the anger and betrayal, aimed right at him. 

“Someone who's willing to spill secrets to some guy doesn’t deserve to be a leader.”

It hurts, but he doesn’t let it show, can’t, and so he watches silently as Tyler turns and walks away, pushing past Jon and Evan who still stand at the door. 

The silence that lingers is painful, with no one knowing what to say, until finally Jon drops his arms, and sighs. It’s going to hurt the most from him, Luke knows it. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” 

Luke laughs at the question, scrubbing a hand down his face, “What do you mean ‘why’? I know how you guys are, if I had so much as mentioned him, and what I was doing, you three would have done your best to make sure he was out of the picture.” 

Jon’s quiet as he looks at him, before cracking a smile that screams defeat, “You don’t know any of us, at all, then, not even after all these years.” 

He shakes his head, following where Tyler just left, and he’s too much of a coward to call after him. 

Evan’s the last one, who shrugs when Luke looks at him with desperation. 

“You fucked up.” 

“I know.” 

“Really badly.”

“Evan, I  _ know.”  _

“Just-” Evan sighs, walking over to clamp a hand on his shoulder, give a reassuring squeeze, “Give them some time, especially Tyler, you know how he is.”

“Do I though?” After what Jon said, he’s starting to believe he doesn’t actually know anything about the only people he’s come to love like family. 

“I think you do, yeah. You’re terrible at showing it, but, we’ve known that about you, too. So, don’t worry, they’ll come around.” He pats at his cheek, offering a gentle smile, before he starts walking away, but stops when he gets in front of Ryan, and Luke wills himself to stand still, as Evan holds out his hand. 

“I’m Evan, sorry we had to meet this way.” 

“Uh,” Ryan looks down at the hand for a split second, before he ever so slowly reaches for it, and looks unsure as he says, “Ryan, and, same, to you too.” 

Between the brief shake, Evan glances back over at him, a sly smirk forming on his lips, “You sure know how to pick ‘em.”  Which nearly makes Luke choke on his spit, with Ryan seemingly not too far behind.

Then there’s just the three of them, but the happy atmosphere is gone from before, replaced by one of uncomfortable silence, and he hates it. 

He turns to Craig, who’s been watching quietly from the background, something not of his nature, and Luke thinks he knows the answer before he asks the question, “How did they find out? How did they know where Ryan lives, or that we would be here?” 

Craig looks away, past him, at the picture of a butterfly he knows is there, because it’s the one Luke picked, the first time Ryan and him had ventured out, to the mall, of all places.  _ “What about that one, the painting of the rose? That’s nice, right? Think it would look good, above the sofas?” “If you’re an 80 year old widow woman, maybe,”  _ He had joked, nudging Ryan when the other had simply rolled his eyes, walking away, with Luke quickly following. They walked around the little art store for a few more minutes, about to leave with nothing, when Luke had spotted it, the picture of a butterfly, its wings expanded, as it sat on a leaf. It was a dark color, a little muddy looking, but it was beautiful, and he had grabbed at Ryan’s arm, pulling him to a stop and ignoring the annoyed huff. 

_ “That’s the one.”  _ Ryan looked over, tilting his head as they stared at it.  _ “Why? Nothing really special about it.” “Because it’s you, in a picture. Look at the colors, at how dark they are. You’re an emo asshole just trying to be free, too. It’s perfect.”  _ Ryan had elbowed him in the ribs, but said nothing, only left Luke to stand there laughing, as he went to find someone, because it was decided, then, that they would get it, without words needing to be said. 

Craig shifts, and he’s taken out of the memory, pushes it aside to focus on the now, of the apologetic look Craig gives him, “I told them, everything, and I’m sorry, but, fuck Luke, I had to! It’s been nearly three months of us pretending as if Ryan doesn’t exist, outside this apartment, and, what if something happened to you, or both of us? What if something happened to Ryan, and we needed the guys’ help? What then? I just- I couldn’t do it anymore, and I knew you couldn’t either, no matter how much you swore you could.”

He has to take a seat, finds that standing is too much, at this point, as he thinks over everything Craig just said. 

“You can be mad at me all you want,” He goes on, taking a step forward, “but I don’t regret it.” 

“Craig,” He finally cuts in, looking up to see the distressed look on his friend’s face, “it’s fine, I- I’m not mad, really, I should be thanking you. I didn’t realize until now, just how much this has been eating at me.” 

Craig lets out a breath of air, face relaxed into of one a relieved expression, “I’m still sorry, Luke, but I agree with Evan, about Jon and Tyler. Just give them some time.” 

He doesn’t say anything, just nods, trying to process everything, and Craig seems to understand, because he murmurs that he’ll call him later, before leaving, flashing Ryan a tiny smile as he goes. 

He sits there for a while, not entirely sure what to do next, and Ryan, who still stands by the door, hands hanging loosely by his sides, appears to be in the same boat. 

What feels like an hour passes between them with nothing said, unmoving, before finally Ryan twitches slightly, fingers curling in on themselves, as if trying to grab something, “Luke…”

“Don’t, not now, please.” He says, because the idea alone of speaking to Ryan is exhausting, and all he wants is to move on, forget this day ever happened; he’s desperately just wishing for tomorrow. 

“No, shut up, and let me talk.” He looks up at the tone, of the underlying desperation easy to make out, “Well, I don’t really know what to say, in a situation like this, but do  _ not  _ shut me out.” 

“Ryan,” He sighs, tired in ways he’s never felt, “I just need space, okay? It’s a common thing for people to want, it doesn’t mean I’m shutting you out.” 

Ryan stalks forward, shoving at him, the look in his eyes showcasing a sort of fear Luke has never seen, and he stands, too, ready to leave and come back the next day; he doesn’t have the energy for this, not tonight. 

“I know that! I  _ know,  _ Luke, I-I’m not dumb, okay!” He slams his fists against Luke’s chest, face red, and Luke is seconds away from pushing at him, needing distance, “I know when people need space, but I’m telling you no! I let you in, dammit, against everything screaming in me not to, and so you better let me in, too, or I swear-”

He could blame it on impulse, but, he knows that would be a lie, just as Ryan. 

The kiss is quick, nothing lasting, and he pulls back, seeing Ryan’s bright eyes, wide, unblinking, and breathes, “Shut up, for once.”

Ryan doesn’t say anything, something he’s thankful for, but really it’s impossible to, anyways, when he pulls Luke back in for another kiss. The second one is much longer, needier, as Ryan clings onto his shirt, and Luke at his hips. 

It’s the kind of kiss that quickly becomes desperate, with unspoken words said between them as they claw at each other, needing to be as close as possible. 

“Ryan,” He breathes, out of breath as he hovered over him, both panting and naked, “Are you s-”

“Don’t say anything, just touch me, please. No more talking, I...I want my mind quiet, during this.” 

He continues on without another word, the only sounds that fill after are that of breathy moans and drawn out groans. It’s not gentle, the sex they have, but one that’s everlasting, from harsh grips that leave bruises, of teeth biting wherever possible, and of nails that leave angry scars, both marking what they still have yet to say. 

**

They don’t talk about it, the next day, the next week, or even two weeks after. It’s a memory that keeps him up at nights, when he’s gone back to sleep in the living room, especially when he sees the fading bruises, littering Ryan’s neck, and chest, but he doesn’t bring it up, isn’t even sure if he wants to. 

It’s been a little over two weeks, since that night, and he still hasn’t heard from any of the guys. He’s not sure what to think, yet, if it’s still worth all the trouble in taking down the other gang, or if he should just move on, make do with a normal life, although the thought of working a regular paying job leaves him with a heavy sort of despair. 

And yet, on that last day, there’s a knock at the door, too late at night, when both Ryan and him are already asleep. A wave of deja vu passes through him, when he opens the door, to see Jon standing there. 

He’s speechless, as he stares at his best friend he thought he had lost. Jon doesn’t look as tense, like last time, instead there’s a soft smile on his face, one of forgiving that almost makes Luke pull him into a hug, before he’s even said anything. 

“Jon?” He finally breaks the silence, and Jon sighs, scratching at the back of his head 

“I’m still pissed, but, I talked to Craig, we all did, and I think I understand now. Just, next time you’re hiding some guy, let us know, okay?” 

He does pull him into a hug, then, happy beyond words, but he looks over his shoulder, seeing the others down by the parking lot, and he raises his eyebrows when they only wave at him. 

“Jon, why are the guys down there?” Jon sighs, pulling back, and the easygoing expression is now replaced by one of seriousness. 

“We found it, Luke, their base. We’re heading there now.” 

“What? How?” 

Jon jabs a thumb over his shoulder, tilts his head, “Craig. While we were all busy throwing hissy fits, he was still searching for them, looking for clues, and he called me a couple days ago, saying he’d finally done it.” 

Luke’s still half asleep, to be processing all of this, but he’s quick to start getting dressed, because this is it, finally, after years, the opportunity of bringing down their biggest enemy, is here. 

Jon stops him though, when he goes to leave with him, and gives an expectant look, “Luke, what about that guy...Ryan?” 

He freezes, heart giving a painful thump at the mention of his name, and of the memory of the two of them that night that surfaces. 

“What about him?” He may ask a bit defensively, which only makes Jon give him an odd look.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you two, although from what Craig told us you’re both too scared to make a move.” He opens his mouth, ready to cut in and defend the both of them, when Jon shakes his head, 

“All I’m saying, is if you really care for this guy, then maybe it’s best if you don’t go, after all. I’m not sure what you want, but if it’s him, then that’s okay, maybe it’s about time you settle down and have a real life. We all agreed, though, about giving you a choice, because the likelihood of us surviving this is almost nonexistent.” 

Jon turns to leave, as Luke stands there, speechless and heart hammering painfully in his chest, when Jon stops, and looks at him with an unreadable expression, “This isn’t a matter of choosing between us, or him, either. It’s about you, for once, and what you want. Make it quick, though, we’re leaving in ten minutes.”

And then he’s gone, and Luke’s still standing there, hand on the door, but feet still firmly planted inside. He’s not even sure what to think about all of this, doesn’t know what he wants, because he can’t deny that he craves both. 

“You’re going, aren’t you?” He freezes, heart coming to a complete stop at the sound of Ryan’s voice, but it starts up again, in hurried fluttered movements when he turns, to see him standing there, face an open book, a vast contrast to the Ryan he first met, those months ago. 

He hates that he’s the reason behind it, because it makes all of this that much more harder. 

“I don’t know.” He says, looking away when Ryan takes a step forward, grimacing, 

“Don’t bullshit me, Luke, not now.” 

He admits, he’s tired of lying, just wants to be nothing but honest from now on. 

“Yeah,” He whispers, then, making himself look back at Ryan and his fallen expression, “I am.” 

It hurts him down to his very core, when slow tears roll down Ryan’s face, and the pain is wornsed beyond comprehension when he stalks forward, and shoves at him, “I hate you.” He cries, tearing right through his heart. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You’re not, I know you’re not, because it was never even an option, you had your mind set as soon as you saw who was at the door.” 

At the silence from Luke, the hits become harder, against his chest, the yells of hate become louder, but, then they’re softening until they’re little thumps, and the words “I hate you” change into a muttered, “I love you” and Luke grabs him, because he can’t hear that, not right now. 

“Stop, Ryan, stop saying it!” Ryan pushes at him, leveling him with a heated stare that’s dimmed from the tears still there, swimming in his eyes. 

“What, that I love you? You don’t get to tell me shit, because this is how  _ I  _ feel, and I love you, I love you,  _ I love you.”  _

He closes the distance between them, and grabs at his shoulders, desperately pleading, “Don’t- stop talking!” 

“I just want to hear you say it, tell me why you’re choosing to risk your life instead of staying here, with me. Tell me that night meant nothing, say it, Luke, tell me you don’t love me.” 

“I can’t!” He yells, gripping him, “God dammit, Ryan, I can’t because I’ve been in love with you for months, now, and you’re the only thing my mind seems capable of thinking of. Is that what you want? To know that I’m leaving because I can’t stay here with you, knowing you could be in danger everyday until they get me, or you? The thought of it leaves me sick, because if anything were to happen to you, I don’t know what I’d do, and so I have to go,  _ I have to.”  _

Ryan doesn’t say anything, only buries his head in Luke’s chest, and he holds on tight, trying to ingrain the feeling of this moment into his head. 

“What if you don’t make it?” Ryan whispers, hands clenching tighter onto his shirt. 

He doesn’t know what to say, can’t possibly think of the right answer, to a question like that, and so he doesn’t try, just places a kiss on hair that’s soft, that smells of coconuts and fresh air, wishing there was more time, to do things right.

“I love you.” He says instead, ignoring the defeated cry Ryan gives, and pulls away, knowing the guys are waiting. 

He can’t look back as he turns to leave, because he knows with just one look at Ryan, he’d stay, a decision he’d regret, and so he closes the door after him, and breathes through his nose, ignoring the sound of a broken man on the other side, and of the heaviness that settles in his heart, a foreign feeling that nearly sweeps him off his feet; the overbearing weight of it is boundless, as it grips onto him. 

The guys are there, offering no words about what they most likely heard, instead they nod their heads over somewhere behind them, into a darkened city, 

“Ready?” Jon asks, and he nods, doing his best to clear his thoughts. It helps, that it’s a cold night, made clear by the goosebumps that raise on his arms, but it soothes him, comforts his frantic mind as he thinks about what he’s walking into, who he’s leaving behind, that through all the chaos, the wind is there, singing a familiar and peaceful lullaby. 

The stars aren’t exceptionally bright, as he looks up at the blackened sky, and he smiles at past memories, of similar times, when he would gaze up at them with a sort of hate in his heart, a coldness in his bones he swore would never be warm; He was a blinded fool, then, because that gripping iciness was easily melted, by bright eyes and captivating smiles.

He’s not afraid, not anymore, as he says, “Let’s go.”

**

Ryan’s not sure how long he sits there, curled in the open of his living room, desperately hoping to squeeze in on himself, crawl inside and never resurface; the pain wrapped around his heart like a vice is borderline unbearable, and all he wants is to sleep. 

With swollen eyes and a heartache that can’t be mended, he’s exhausted, in more ways than one, and he stares helplessly at Buddy, his loyal companion that lays across from him, eyes wide, and caring, almost, as if he knows Ryan is in pain. 

“I tried, Bud, I did, I swear.” He sniffs, rubbing at an irritated nose, but really, it didn’t matter how much he fought Luke, to stay behind, because he’s not the type to listen to anyone, once his mind has been made. 

A wet laugh passes between his lips, at the thought, of how well he’s gotten to know the man over just a few months, and maybe that’s why it hurts as badly as it does, because it’s been years since he’s last truly connected with someone, and then suddenly Luke appears in his life; a lethal man, and it was so easy, for him to worm his way inside Ryan’s heart, make a home with what little was left. 

Some part of him knew, too, that what he wanted with Luke could never happen; the man isn’t made for that lifestyle, of giving himself up to the power of love, of what it means to be truly vulnerable, yet, Luke's words ring through his head, the final call of “I love you”, and so maybe, he had somehow invaded Luke's heart as well.

It's a thought that only saddens him further, but he forces himself up, something of a familiar routine, and falls into his bed, pushing back the memories of that night, with his back on this very same mattress, staring up at the cracked ceiling, when everything was done and his heart felt as if it were going to beat out of his chest.  _ “Do you regret it?”  _ He asked, still feeling sweat slide down the dip in his back, as he waited for an answer he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear.  _ “No. Do you?”  _ Did he? A loud part of him screamed yes, because Luke is someone he had deemed off limits, had seen as a horrible person, but the quiet whisper that he actually enjoyed it, sex with a man that made him feel things no one else could, and how he could see himself doing it again, spoke the loudest.  _ “I don’t know.”  _ Is what he had settled with, because he couldn’t bring himself to come to terms with how much he cared for Luke, so he stayed quiet, when Luke got up, to sleep in the living room, and even during the brief pause at the doorway, where Luke had turned to give him one last look, a last chance, and he didn’t take it. 

He’s still not entirely sure if he would change anything about that night, and anyways it’s no use to think about it, because it’s done and now Luke is gone.

He only lets one thought linger in his mind, as his tired eyes finally close, a prayer to whoever is listening; he begs of them to just give him one thing, against all odds, of Luke’s survival, and his journey back home, in Ryan’s arms, where he swears he won’t ever hold anything back, not ever again.  

**

He goes back to work, after a couple days, smiles at those who come into the diner, and cries when he’s alone, in the bathroom, under florescent lights. 

After four days he gives up, with the notion that Luke is alive and well; he thinks he cries the most, that night.

No one tracks him down, or shows up to kill him, and at least he knows Luke went out with his job done, by completing his ultimate goal. 

On the fifth day, that night, (he’s come to despise nights with a fiery passion) he’s woken from a pitiful sleep, by soft knocking at his door. He doesn’t get up to answer it, instead lays still and hopes whoever it is will leave, let him go back to his dreams. 

Buddy jumps up though, with a sort of enthusiasm he hasn’t seen in days, and though it’s stupid, his heart picks up in speed, and he hates himself for letting the hope that was dissipating creep back, as he walks down the dark hall, to see Buddy at the door, sitting and waiting, his tail showcasing his excitement. 

There’s another knock and Ryan jumps, realizing he’s just standing there, as if waiting for Luke to shout at him  _ “Hurry the hell up, Ryan, I ain’t got all day”  _ but it’s impossible, it  _ is,  _ and yet he walks forward anyways, swings the door open with enough force that it creaks. 

He doesn’t cry, like he imagined he would, didn’t take into account just how  _ unreal  _ the whole situation would feel, to even fathom doing anything other than just staring. 

Luke is...there, warm smile on his face even though he looks like shit, with a sling on his arm, bandages wrapped around his midsection that’s easy to spot through the thin shirt, and a bruised eye, although a light yellowish, and he can only imagine how it once looked, as a fresh wound. 

“Am I dreaming?” He asks, dazed, unwavering as he continues to stare unabashedly. 

“Hope not. I like to think your dreams about me are a little less depressing and more steamy, if you get what I mean.” He wiggles his eyebrows, though it pulls at the stitches, and he huffs, as if just remembering they’re there, and still, Ryan doesn’t cry, but he does fling himself at him, and laughs in this giddy way. 

Luke grunts, under the weight of him, but he grips Ryan with his free hand, can feel the scabbed knuckles brush against his skin, through his shirt, and he buries his head in hair that smells freshly cleaned, still laughing, as he says, 

“You’re a jerk, you know that?”

He feels Luke’s laugh, his smile as he places a kiss on Ryan’s head, “Didn’t claim to be kind.” 

This time Ryan does cry, because it’s the same response he always says, every time Ryan would tell him that, and he knows, now, that it’s really him. Luke pulls back when he feels his body start to shake, and frowns as he rubs a thumb under Ryan’s eye, to sweep at the tear that threatens to fall. 

“Hey, c’mon, we were doing so good. I’m here, okay, there’s no reason for you to be crying.” 

“I’m crying because you’re  _ here,  _ asshole.” He says angrily, but he can’t commit to the feeling, can only lean into Luke’s hand still on his cheek, “Of course I’m crying, you leave and I’m here, thinking you’re dead, and you just show up, hurt but okay?” 

Luke sighs, pulling him closer, “It was a dick move, I know and I’m sorry, believe me when I say I am, but, I’m here, now, finally, because I knew I had to come back to you.

 

“Yeah? Why’s that?” He smiles wetly, at the playful eye roll Luke does. 

“Because I love you, Ryan, and maybe the timing wasn’t right, then, but it sure as hell is now; there’s no way I’m leaving you ever again, okay? That what you wanted to hear?” 

His eyes are still a little blurry, but he sees Luke clearly, and the vulnerability, clear as day, as he waits for Ryan to respond. 

It’s something he thought he’d never get to hear, not after that night, and so he can’t help it when he steps the closest he can, eyes never leaving Luke’s as he slowly wraps his arms around his neck, careful of any cuts, and whispers, “Say it again. That’s what I want.” 

“I love you,” Luke starts, leaning down to place a small kiss on his forehead. “I love you,” He continues, trailing lips down to kiss at his nose. “I love you,” He sighs, his lips hovering above his own, and Ryan can feel himself come alive, after days of thinking he was trapped in a darkened room forever, with the ghost of a man he thought he’d lost.

This moment feels as if it’s taken ages to finally get to, and Ryan is done waiting around, tired of always reaching but never grabbing. He closes the distance between them, his whole entire being igniting from a kiss he could’ve sworn would never come, and yet Luke is pressing against him, holding on so tightly that Ryan feels breathless, in the best way possible. 

“I love you.” He says in between kisses, because he has to say it back, has to let Luke know all of what he wasn’t able to say before, but he stops at that, doesn’t say everything else waiting to come spilling out, when Luke only kisses him again, smiling against his lips, with contentment laced in his voice, 

“I know.” And so maybe there is nothing else to say, but Ryan’s okay with that, because why should he be talking now, when Luke is offering a life with him, where he’ll have all the time in the world, to discuss everything his mouth can’t form, at least, not when he’s in a moment like this.

**Author's Note:**

> I have to admit, I had no idea what I was doing with this story, so I hope it was enjoyable anyways! :)
> 
> Ps. sorry for the angst, but the story needed it, I swear it wasn't me trying to be cruel (lol it definitely was).


End file.
